Not being one to miss a good challenge and unable to resist the temptatio
n after a few glasses of wine, I agreed to swim a kilometre in the River Thames. In the sober light of day and after receiving the joining instructions, I was wondering how I was going to wangle my way out of this one."The Port of London Authority does not encourage swimming in the tideway and will not vouch for the cleanliness of the water. Swimmers should not enter the water with any cuts or open wounds and should avoid swallowing river water. The water temperature is expected to be around 19 degrees Celsius (they lied it was about 16). The swim is in tidal water and suitable for strong swimmers and triathletes only."
The thought had crossed my mind, how was I going to obtain an open wo
und so I could have a valid excuse not to do the swim. With no balls to self-harm, I dug out my shortie diving wetsuit, a pair of goggles and headed down to the sign on, fully intending on not swimming. I went to sign on and said I was not sure, they said I'd be fine and gave me a beer voucher. Well there you go, a free beer for swimming in the Thames. I donned my wetsuit and joined the other nutters on the start line.The boys under 50 started first. They dived into the water and started g
oing backwards away from the start line. They finally got there and the mayor started the race. Progress was somewhat slow against the tide. Next it was our turn. The swim to the startline was not too bad as the tide was easing up. We bobbed around at the start before we were set off.Every breath I took seemed very laboured, blamed it on the tight wetsuit, so I loosened the neckline. Nope nothing to do with wetsuit and everything to do with being rather unfit for this event. I switched to breaststroke then backstroke and still my chest was very tight. I looked around for the rescue canoe, but none were to be found. I swam a bit further but my breathing wasn't easing up. Being sensible, well almost sensible, if I was completely sensible I wouldn't be swimming into the tide in the Thames, I turned around and headed back to the exit point, happy that I had completed at least half of the course.
Mark, who's fault it was that I found myself in the Thames without attempting to
end my life before I jumped in, won the race. We thought he was pulling our leg as everyone looked the same in the water. But no he won and was presented a with a great trophy from the mayor(ess) er um, we were very unsure which it was.As hard as I tried, it was impossible not to drink the Thames Water when I was swimming. Remembering that alcohol kills 99.9% of all germs. We proceded to eliminate all signs of alien life from our guts after the swim.
Do I have any regrets in doing the swim? Only that I hadn't trained at all for the race and next year I will ensure that I am fully trained up and have a wetsuit that can be used for swimming, rather than funneling the cold water past all my vital organs.
Thanks to Dave, our official race photographer.
